This I Used To Believe
By: Ophilye
Category: Beach, Deep Thoughts, Family, Oregon, Wicca
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I used to believe I was alone in the wide world, and one day some part of it would rise up out of the unknown and swallow me whole.
This I used to believe.
I once beleived that if you didn’t feel so strongly that you were on the verge of bursing with joy or passing out with sadness, then you were numb. I believed that being numb was the worst crime a human could make, and every moment should be filled with emotion.
Of course, I was also a little bi-polar.
I used to believe I was alone. I believed there was no love, just illusion, settling, and confusion. I used to believe it was all a lie.
Of course, I was also a little jaded.
I used to believe I was a scared little girl, and I had to have a shell, so that no one would talk to me, no one could hurt me, and the best way to save myself was to run.. to just keep running.
Of course, I was … wait, I still AM this. But I find I don’t have to run away.. now I run home, where it’s finally safe. Home, where there is love and warmth. Home, where there is no hiding, no being scared, no harsh words, no objects being thrown, no one out to hurt you.
I used to believe I would never be happy.
I am now happy.
I am whole. I can see the beauty around me, in me, and in others. I can see their worth, as I can finally see my own.
I know I am still a work in progress, and I am okay with that. .. and I know my love is okay with that too.
I am not alone. And if the world swallows me.. well.. It’s not as scary of a thought when you know you’re not alone.
